A Soldier's Perspective
The Web’s Leading Military Blog Since 2004
Mom, Dad, Stepdad Deploy – Leaving 9-year Old Behind
Don’t worry, 9-year-old Breanna Bodden was left with a family friend, Deborah Clark, but it highlights the kinds of sacrifices that Soldiers and their families are making to bring freedom to complete strangers and peace to the Middle East.
Prior to deploying, Breanna’s mom wrote a letter to the Army Times about what it means to be a mom deploying to a combat zone:
I am an Army reservist stationed at Fort Bragg, N.C. Prior to my Reserve service, I spent five years of active duty in the Marine Corps.
I recently received orders to deploy to Iraq for a year. This is my first deployment to a combat zone. What makes the thought of deploying even harder is that I am leaving my 9-year-old daughter behind. I am a single mother.
I knew I would deploy when I enlisted in the Reserve. In fact, I was hoping to finally get a chance to serve a combat tour.
While in the Marine Corps, I asked to go with my unit, but my officer in charge told me, “You are a single parent; your place is at home, taking care of your children.”Being a member of the armed forces, this appalled me. However, there are a lot of others who might agree with him.
I’ve seen debates on where a mother’s place should be, and I struggle with that every day — probably more as I get closer to my departure date.
I do not have family in the area, but I have a great friend who is taking responsibility of my daughter for a year, if not more.
I wonder if I am doing the right thing by her. Is she going to hate me forever thinking I abandoned her? Is she going to be emotionally scarred for life?
I did not join the Army thinking I wouldn’t deploy. I have been on the volunteer list the past three years, and I have recently re-enlisted for another six. My duty is to this nation and to my fellow soldiers.
News reports outrageously attack military protocol on deploying single mothers. What about single fathers who serve? Are we not the same? Don’t we have the same responsibility to our children?
We are a volunteer service. We are not told that we don’t have to go to war when we visit the recruiter. The benefits are great, but that’s not the reason we join the military.
There are women who get pregnant on purpose so they don’t have to deploy. Instead of processing them out of the military, why not charge them with missing a movement?
Two female soldiers at Bragg recently admitted to getting pregnant so they wouldn’t have to deploy to Iraq with the rest of their unit. They were chaptered out of the Army. Are they not the same as those who go AWOL and refuse to deploy?
As the days with my daughter pass, I hope and pray that I have taught her the importance of my job, the importance of military service.
I will never regret leaving her. I take pride in knowing that my daughter will grow up realizing how important freedom is and how hard my fellow soldiers and I have fought for her freedom.
I am a mother and a soldier.
– Sgt. Rebecca Hagler
– Spring Lake, N.C.
(11) Readers Comments
Leave a Reply
Fort Hood Soldiers Decorated for Valor
Here is another gallant soldier of the Vietnam era from the Fort Hood
Anatomy of a Military Dating Scam
I have been in contact with a supposedly Army Soldier stationed in Kab
Military Dating Scams (More Nigerian Scammers)
My sister has been talking to a Morrison Lopez for the last 3 months h
LL
Amazing, but I’m confused. Is she a single mother? Having your husband deploy does not make you a single mother. I know, that is tacky and a picky question, but your post title compared to her letter confused me and then I read the article too.
These things happen. We all know they do. My best friend did not re-up when her reserve status expired right before the war started. She made that choice. She did her duty and served in some crappy places like Haiti and she has done more than I in service, so I don’t fault her at all for wanting to stay home with her son.
I wish it wasn’t this way, but Sgt Hagler impresses the heck out of me with her attitude. I’m sure her daughter will always be extremely proud of her mom.
CWSteve
Its hard to be impressed when you are depressed! I feel that it would be an honor to meet this lady and I also know how she feels. I missed the first 3 years of my children due to combat. At the same time I worry about the children. Do we risk loosing their parents and possibly making a black mark in their life. But most important it is NOT my place to make that decision. But its people like this lady that allow the rest of us to make decisions in some places of the world would be impossible. I am only glad that there are people like her willing to make the supreme decision that keeps us free.
chrisntx
LL, she is no longer a single parent. if you go back and read the army times article, you will see she has remarried. I think she was referring to when she was in the marines and they wouldn’t let her deploy because of being a single mom.
I like this part of her letter, I think it says alot about her
“As the days with my daughter pass, I hope and pray that I have taught her the importance of my job, the importance of military service.
I will never regret leaving her. I take pride in knowing that my daughter will grow up realizing how important freedom is and how hard my fellow soldiers and I have fought for her freedom.
I am a mother and a soldier.”
CandySlice
Godspeed
wordsmith
but Sgt Hagler impresses the heck out of me with her attitude. I’m sure her daughter will always be extremely proud of her mom.
I agree. God bless Sgt. Hagler and her daughter.
Terri
I too agree! She’s a shining example of the fine men and women serving in our military.
cowgirlygirl28
Hey everyone, this is SGT Hagler. I wanted to clarify a few things, I see some are confused. Yes, I am a single mother. Breanna’s stepfather and I divorced in 05 but we are engaged again and planning to remarry in November. Breanna has always loved him and looked up to him as her step-father. He has remained a part of our lives. I had no idea this article was going to appear, it was all the work of Breanna and Deborah. I have to say that I do not appose the war, but had I known her dad was going to deploy shortly after arriving at his new duty station in NC I might not have volunteered. I lost my job as a safety manager because the company said my reserve status was not in the best interest of the company. I also volunteered because it was not fair for others to deploy several times and I stay at home. I joined the military for one purpose, to serve this country and to make it a safer place for my children and their children. I have internet in my room so I can have vonage phone service so that Breanna can phone me whenever she needs to. I have read other comments on other sites responding negatively. I have to say that I am proud to know that my daughter will grow up knowing the price of freedom and knowing that she has 3 role models to look up to. I thank you all for your support and comments. It was a hard decision for me to make, but I have left her in great hands.
CJ
SGT Hagler, the minute you get back you need to hire an attorney and sue your previous company for all they have. By firing you for your military service they have committed a crime and owe you recompense. If you need help with this, let me know.
jimenez
This war is not total, leaving family is wrong unless the conflict is total. There is no need for this, in my view, It shouldot n be allowed. There is evil in it. Our children need their parents, we should be bonded in the first years of life. It is symbolic of how misdirected, and unbalanced this conflict has become.
Even if willing, those with children should be denied. Are our priorities correct?
Cpl M? Have you nurtured between commercials yet? Please do, if only for your own sake.
Cpl M
jimenez, I would appreciate it if you wouldn’t try to lecture me on fatherhood. Thanks.
Heidi Lynn
As sad as it is, sometimes people can be something different than they appear. I am an Army wife, been married to my husband for 21 years, and he has been deployed 3 1/ out of the last 5 years. This year while my husband was in Iraq I received emails from Ms. Hagler informing me that she was having relations with my husband in Iraq. She forwarded their intimate letters (which I still have) to me so I would know it was true. My husband ended it with her when he found out she told me and she then went back and got engaged to her ex husband. My point is that she is making herself out to be a hero when she is in Iraq ruining other people’s lives. I have two children and a hero doesn’t break families apart.