A Soldier's Perspective
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Gold Star Siblings
When anyone hears that a Soldier has died in combat, some of the first thoughts that go through peoples’ minds are for the mothers and fathers. As a way to deal with the pain of losing a son or daughter, these family members got together and formed various communities to soothe each other. However, all too often, the siblings were sort of afterthoughts and left out. Where’s a kid to go who’s lost his mother or father in combat. Well, now, they have have a place to turn.
Karen A. Hickman, of Indiana, founded Gold Star Siblings Inc., so that siblings of deceased servicemembers had someone to lean on who understands what they’re going through. “There has never been an organization just for siblings,†she said. “Our goal is to become one voice, to reach out and help the ones trying to deal with such a traumatic loss.â€
That was something she didn’t have when her brother was killed while serving in Vietnam.
“When the funeral took place, I felt like an outsider,†Hickman said. “I had to grieve alone and where my parents couldn’t see me because I had to be strong for them and my younger brother.
“I have never felt so alone,†she added.
Gold Star Siblings grew from those feelings of isolation and Hickman’s desire to never let another sibling suffer in silence. And while the members of her organization are not professional counselors, they certainly can understand what many siblings are facing today.
“We are just like (them): confused, angry, sad and always wondering, ‘Why him or her, and not me? Why was our world turned upside down?’†she said. “We have been there, and everyday the thought is always with us.â€
Helping each other through grief, in part, means presenting a Gold Star flag to the oldest sibling, Hickman said. If there are other siblings, they receive Gold Star lapel pins.
If the family requests, Gold Star Sibling members also will stay with them during a servicemember’s funeral.
Gold Star Siblings is a new supporter of America Supports You, a Defense Department program connecting citizens and corporations with military personnel and their families serving at home and abroad.
Hickman said she hopes the affiliation will offer her organization exposure and the networking opportunities to let everyone know she and other Gold Star Siblings are there for those who need their help.
(15) Readers Comments
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@ Ann No ONE is in Afghan on a Peacekeeping Mission and they meaning T
Flag Gazer
Having attended a few funerals, I have watched the soldier’s brothers/sisters pushed into the background – and, it is painful to watch.
It seems if you are not the parents, spouse or child, your feelings and grief are secondary, and for the sibling, their young friends are not able to help you grieve.
this is wonderful that this organization has started. Thank you for sharing it with us.
SSgtJ
God Bless you Karen A. Hickman! This is an area that is often overlooked. At 2-1-1 we have made it a practice to include all family members of our KIA’s as automatic members of “Vietnam Veterans of 2nd Battalion 1st Marines”. There have had some awesome articles submitted by siblings of some of our KIA’s and I know that we have continued the contact with them. But still, I wonder if we have done enough … Clearly, Karen has stepped out to do more! God Bless you Karen A. Hickman. Thank you from one who has not done enough …
FrmrSoldier
Thank you. I did not know about Gold Star Siblings just over a year ago when my brother was killed in Karbala, Iraq. As a Soldier myself, I try to remain strong in front of my family and friends and grieve in the background. My mom recently went to a Gold Star Mom’s Mother’s day brunch and found out about the Sibling’s organization.
goldstarsister
I’m sorry for your loss but believe me I know how you feel. I lost my sister (who was younger) and she was also my best friend.
Karen Hickman
If you would like to contact me, please use the email above. Thank You. Karen Hickman/Founder GSSOA
goldstarsister
Mrs. Karen Hickman,
Thanks for recognizing the siblings. They are often forgotten. You are on point about the Gold Star siblings. Its been 2yrs since my sister died from wounds she sustained in Iraq. It still hurts. As FrmrSoldier said … “As a Soldier myself, I try to remain strong in front of my family and friends and grieve in the background”…
I was in the military too and felt so guilty when my sister got injured because she was my younger sister and she follow my footsteps. This real kills me all the time.
Karen Parker
I am in Cleveland, Ohio and in need of some assistance. Can someone contant me. I am just not getting around this site too well. I am not finding the necessary imformation I am looking for. Thank-you so much
Karen Hickman
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000955756797#!/group.php?gid=186183651465&ref=ts
This is the link to our Facebook site. lease join if you are a Brother or Sister of a “Fallen Hero.”
Carolyn
Is there a website presence still or just through FB?
Rebecka
That is exactly how I felt! My brother was lost 2 years ago this last February and I still can not grieve in front of my parents. The funeral I had one person come up to me and that was the man who handed my other brother and I our sibling gold star pins. Other than that not a soul came to ask myself or my other brother how we were doing. His wife he was in the middle of divorcing was asked my parents were asked but the people who grew up the closest to him were thrown out in the trash. It’s been the hardest way to grieve because you can’t actually grieve. Then the one thing I had from his funeral that gold star pin was lost during the transfer of everything from pockets etc during airport security on the way back from his funeral…I don’t even have that now…Thank you for starting this group.
Angie
Rebecka,
I’m sorry you’ve lost your original pin. I know replacements are hard to come by. Your casuality liaison officer should be able to give you a new one at no cost. If they wont do that for you, I can get one through an online PX (the army’s version of walmart) and send it to you. If you’d like me to send it to you send me an email: wendangi@hotmail.com.
Angie
David
To Whom it may concern,
My dad is in his early 70′s and his oldest brother was in the 66th Division killed in action at Battle of the Bulge. My dad is the only serving member of his family. Does he qualify as a Gold Star Sibling? We’ve just recently received some of my uncles military records. However, we did not receive all due the big fire where they were stored. Thank you for any help. I believe this info will help my dad greatly.
Angie
David,
Yes, your dad is a gold star sibling. When congress created the program back in the 1940s they made it retro active to include WW1 and anytime after.
Sherry
Thank you. We lost our brother in Baghdad when he was KIA 6-29-09. My sister and I, too, felt pushed aside. We were so lost and no one seemed to notice. Even 2 years later we stillfeel left behind…
Megan
As a gold star sister we not only hurt for the loss of our hero but we also have to watch our parents go through unimaginable pain. It hurts to watch the people you love hurt and cannot do anything about it. Thank you!